my birthday was saturday and my best friend lost her texting and wasnt home all saturday and the the first thing she texted me about from her dads phone was about ed and how she almost was going to cheat but didnt due to mario. she didnt say happy birthday friday when she seen me, saturday, sunday, or today. Thankss

I wonder, what’s wrong with me? I’ve had one boy like me and he practically told me he wanted nothing to do with me after a long time, I’ve never had my first kiss. I’m 135 pounds. If I told any of my friends that, they’d probably never believe me. 135 pounds, I look skinny, I do. When I lift up my shirt I look skinny, when I’m naked and I look at myself before I go in the shower, I can see it. Where the fat is, I have stretch marks to prove it. I changed my whole look and I still can’t even get a boy to talk to me as a friend except this guy Drew I’ve known since I was in 2nd grade. Sometimes I’d talk to Ben on the bus just to set my mind at “not all guys hate you.” I’m pretty sure people think I’m a lesbian too. For wearing sweatpants and sweatshirts all of my life, I’m not though. That’s why I try not to look at girls, not to say even if they’re pretty because I don’t want people to think I’m a lesbian, I have nothing wrong with it, I just want to be able to have a boyfriend, something. I can’t look at a girls shirt thinking “oh that’s cute” because I don’t want them to think I’m looking at their breasts. It’s not that I want a boyfriend, I’m perfectly fine without having a boy in my life because they just fuck you over anyways, but I’d like to have a guy friend that I can tell things to and that’ll always be there. I’ve never had a best friend like that. If I told my girl best friend, Lisa anything, she’d judge the shit out of me. We have this friend Britney and she said if Britney is bisexual, she won’t let her sleep over. She thinks cutting is ridiculous. I cut myself, once. It felt.. better? in a weird way, I couldn’t really describe it, I could have continued doing it if I took it, I’m so afraid of cutting though. What if someone sees them? What’ll they do? Even at night sometimes, when everyone is asleep, I scream and I cry and I kick because it’s so frustrating living at my house. My mom has made me feel like shit about how she doesn’t care. She tells me and my dad that she doesn’t care about me… 

I got into an argument with my brother Sean and all he said was “I’ve been through a lot of shit that you’re going through, I’m here to talk.” You said that cutting is for people that are weak. Am I weak if I want to cut? 

Rant over, sorry guys.